The test below will help you to get an overall picture of the level of your self-esteem, and point you to the right direction. Note that this is not an official medical or psychological test.
1. When I look in the mirror, I see only my flaws.
a) Never. I know my strengths. I think that everyone is beautiful their own way.
b) Sometimes, when I feel blue. But it doesn’t happen often.
c) Usually. Everyone sees my flaws. I am worried what they think of me.
d) Always. I am not happy with my looks, and don’t believe others who give me compliments.
2. I wish I was more attractive, intelligent, or successful.
a) Never. I love and accept myself the way I am. I don’t compete; I accept everyone the way they are.
b) Sometimes, but I know I am good enough for anything I want to achieve.
c) Usually. I see so many people around who are more attractive and successful than me.
d) Always. But it is what it is. Life is tough and unfair.
3. I am scared of unpredictable changes.
a) Never. I can’t control everything. Life is moving and changing, so should we, too. And it’s fun!
b) Sometimes. But I can adjust my plans to new changes, or create a backup plan.
c) Usually. It frustrates me, and I need time to figure out what to do.
d) Always. It freaks me out. I feel lost and helpless.
4. I feel very uncomfortable if I need to ask for help.
a) Never. I am open to give and receive help without expecting anything in return.
b) Sometimes, but I try to do something in return, because it’s fair.
c) Usually. I feel extremely apologetic, if I have to do it.
d) Always. It’s embarrassing. I feel like a beggar.
5. I try hard to impress others, because my value depends on what they think of me.
a) Never. Everyone deserves to be happy and follow their heart. I can’t please everyone. People who matter accept me the way I am.
b) Sometimes, only the close friends and family.
c) Usually. I don’t know my value.
d) Always. I am nothing without people who surround me.
6. I engage in self-destructive behaviors (drinking, over-eating, over-spending, hoarding, etc.) to feel better about myself.
a) Never. If I have a problem, I look for a solution, not for a distraction.
b) Sometimes, if I feel stressed, but I can get my life together pretty fast.
c) Usually. If I don’t feel love and approval from others, I get attached to things and behaviors that make me feel good.
d) Always. This is how I deal with fears, sadness, loneliness, or stress.
7. I feel uncomfortable to return the damaged product or stand up for myself if treated poorly.
a) Never. I deserve to be treated with respect and fairness.
b) Sometimes. I analyze every situation first; is it worth it?
c) Usually. Maybe I deserve it?
d) Always. Life is unfair.
8. I’d rather do something against my will or judgement than fail to please another person.
a) Never! I do what feels right, no matter what others think.
b) Normally I don’t. Unless it’s the loved one.
c) Usually. I just hate arguments. I have to explain myself.
d) Always. Maybe I am wrong. I just can’t disappoint others and say No.
9. I accept compliments with grace.
a) I don’t feel I deserve it. They can’t be sincere.
b) Sometimes, if I feel I really achieved something.
c) Usually. But sometimes I feel I need to compliment them back.
d) Always. And I thank them with a smile.
10. I accept myself with strengths and weaknesses, allow myself to make mistakes, and learn my lessons.
a) I beat myself for every mistake I make. I wish I was stronger/smarter.
b) Sometimes, but it frustrates me.
c) Usually, but I try to do everything perfect from the beginning.
d) Always. Everyone makes mistakes; that’s how we grow.
11. I take care of my body and nurture my mind and soul doing things I enjoy.
a) I don’t have time/ It’s not important
b) Sometimes I feel I need it
c) I make time for it pretty often
d) Of course! It’s one of my priorities!
12. I feel comfortable to tell others about my needs and desires.
a) No way! What is they don’t approve it?
b) Occasionally. But I have to explain myself, and I am not sure they will understand and accept it.
c) Usually. Unless it involves stating beliefs and values that are different from what others have.
d) Always. If they care about me, they will accept me the way I am. Clear communication and respecting beliefs are the keys to any relationship.
13. I allow myself to express my feelings, good or bad.
a) Hardly. I need to analyze the situation first. How people will react on it?
b) Sometimes. Only good feelings and emotions.
c) Often. Everyone has the right to share their feelings, if they choose so.
d) Always. If I don’t show people what I like/dislike, they won’t know how to treat me.
14. I can accept and express vulnerability, fear, or anxiety.
a) Never. I hide it from everyone.
b) Sometimes, but it makes me feel embarrassed or fearful for the future.
c) Usually. I find comfort and support from my friends and family.
d) Always. Everyone experiences them sometimes. Sharing them with your friends and family creates a better connection and understanding.
15. I understand and value my need for personal time.
a) Hardly. I am too busy serving others, or feeling miserable by myself.
b) Occasionally, after I am done with all chores and took care of everyone else.
c) Often. I need to recharge, do something I enjoy, or set my goals.
d) Very often. I take care of my body, mind, spirit, and pamper myself.
16. I love building relationships/friendships with people I like.
a) Hardly. I don’t think they will be interested.
b) Sometimes. If they express their interest first.
c) Often. I seek meaningful relationships.
d) Always. The more the merrier.
17. I balance my life with pleasure and fun.
a) Hardly. Fun is for kids. I have to work hard to be worthy.
b) Occasionally, when I find time.
c) Often. I plan fun activities ahead. I can work much better when I am well-rested and de-stressed.
d) Always. I deserve to be happy. I build a career around things I love to do, and follow my heart.
18. I take responsibility for my life, my choices, decisions, and everything what happens to me.
a) I’d rather ask others for advice about what to do, because if I make a choice and fail, I can’t blame anyone else. I can’t be responsible for everything what happened to me; I can’t control circumstances.
b) Sometimes, only for my own choices, but not for what happened to me in the past.
c) Usually. I prefer to control my own life, because I know my goals. The same advice might work for one person, but not for another one.
d) Always. Responsibility gives me freedom to manage my life. Everything what happened to me was attracted to my life because of my thoughts, attitude, reactions, and choices. I learn my lessons and move on.
Add up your test score using points below:
1-18 POINTS: POOR.
You have a poor self-image and don’t believe you deserve to be loved and accepted the way you are. You struggle to express your needs and desires to other people in a fear they won’t approve or accept you. You try to please everyone, but it makes you feel miserable, because you feel trapped and controlled and can’t just be yourself. To feel better, you seek attention and support, and if you can’t have it, you engage in self-defeating activities (over-eating or over-spending) that give you only a temporary relief.
You are valuable just the way you are. You belong here. You have something to bring to this world. Allow yourself to be and express your unique qualities. Allow people see and know YOU. You can grow as a person, if you take responsibility for your life and follow your heart. You can’t please everyone, and you don’t need to. Those who don’t like you, don’t belong in your life. Start exploring your personality and purpose. Learn about your needs and desires. Think about doing important things for your body, mind, and soul. Read more about HOW TO REBUILD SELF-ESTEEM.
19-36 POINTS: FAIR.
You understand the importance of expressing your feelings and personality, and find time for the important things in your life, but find it difficult to stand for your beliefs and values and take responsibility for your life. You put too much pressure on yourself to be better and more important, because you tend to compare yourself to others and depend on people’ opinions. You blame yourself and dread failure. Mistake makes you feel that you fail as a person, so you try hard to avoid them. You know your passion and/or purpose, but don’t dare to chase your dreams, because you don’t believe that you can. As a result, you live someone else’s life.
You are a smart person, and know yourself enough to understand that nobody, except for you, can build you a happy, purposeful life. If you stand up for your values, and express your needs, others will respect you. Show them how to treat you and what you can offer. Confident people attract others, because they spread positive energy around. Nobody likes victims and whiners. Maybe you will lose some “friends”, but the true ones will stay with you. Allowing yourself to make mistakes is the only way to learn and grow. Everyone makes them! If you fail your task, it doesn’t mean you fail as a person. You can fail as a person only if you stop trying to achieve what is important for you. Read more about how to REBUILD SELF-ESTEEM in my other post.
37-55 POINTS: GOOD.
You know exactly who you are, what you want, and which direction to go to. You seek a fulfilling life and take responsibility for your choices and actions. You are selective in who you surround yourself with, but you know you can trust these few people, and find support if you need it. You know your strengths, but dislike your weaknesses. Trying to do it all yourself and fight your weaknesses burns you out and makes you feel overwhelmed.
Keep working on nurturing your self-esteem. Keep learning and self-growing to master your skills and unique qualities. Continue following your path. Don’t forget to give yourself time to relax, de-stress, and enjoy small things in life. Stop and reflect. You have time. Enjoy your journey. Think about how your weaknesses can become your strengths. Maybe you can partner with someone who has strengths you seek, so you complement each other.
56-72 POINTS: GREAT.
Your life is healthy and well-balanced. You enjoy what you do for living, and find time to relax and try new things. You are positive and confident. You love yourself and others, and express yourself freely. Your self-esteem is completely developed. You respect your feelings/beliefs and feelings/beliefs of others. You accept your strengths and weaknesses, and live a purposeful life. You know who you are, and would never do anything that goes against your values. You control your life and love helping (but not controlling) others to find their own path to happiness.
You are doing great! But there is always something new to learn and grow.
Read more about how to LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF in my other article.