How do you present the best version of the REAL YOU to the dating world full of labels, standards, and media pressure?
If you struggle to attract potential online dating partners, or feel frustrated after series of unfortunate dates that led nowhere, here are some helpful tips for you.
The main idea of a whole internet dating is to show potential partners who you are, and to find the right for you partner. Creating a profile that set you apart from the dating competitors and attracts people who match you, will save you time, energy, and money on your dating journey.
WHY PEOPLE LIE ON DATING APPS
In my online dating experience I came to a very frustrating realization that most people hide their real personality and appearance behind masks to match social standards of attractiveness.
People tend to lie to fit into more desirable search brackets.
Statistics show that men usually exaggerate their height, income, and profession; women tend to lie about their weight, body type, and age.
However, the social standard you try to match might not be that important for the right person; and you can lose your potential relationship with them by poisoning it with a lie from the beginning.
There is no point to pretend being someone else, because you attract what you ask for.
Truth is that women are different, so are men; every person is unique in their own way, and has their own triggers. You want to find not just someone, but the RIGHT person who understands and supports you, and is on the same page with you.
It’s understandable that if you post your profile to find a mate online, and then have no success, you want to tweak your profile, to get more hits.
Granted, if you lie, you are more likely to actually go on a lot of dates, but will you have a good experience as you see disappointed looks because they expected someone different?..
It can make the whole dating frustrating for you instead of fun experience.
The most hurtful thing in dealing with people lying about their feelings or personality for me was a realization that they don’t think I deserve to know the truth, or not smart enough to catch them.
If someone wouldn’t want to date anyone outside of numbers they put on search brackets, they weren’t a good match for an older or heavier person anyway.
Truth is an actuality, and it comes out no matter if you want it or not. It’s better to be upfront and honest about your looks, personality traits, and feelings now than being rejected for lying or misrepresenting yourself later.
Some people believe in a myth that their lie will be overlooked as soon as they show up to a date and flatter their potential partner with their amazing manners. They should understand that any lie is a big red light that indicates that they can’t be trusted; who knows what else they are lying about!
If your first face-to-face experience with someone is a lie, it is a really bad way to start any relationship.
So, how can you present the best versions of yourself on your profile to attract people without having to lie, and get dates?
1. LOVE AND ACCEPT YOURSELF
We all know that feeling insecure is common for a human nature, especially on a competitive dating market.
You need to learn to accept yourself first. Trust and honesty are essential in any relationship, including a relationship with yourself.
If you learn to love and to accept where you are in life, appreciate the achievements and wisdom you’ve accumulated, and express the truth of who you are with confidence, you have much more potential for finding your match and building a healthy, strong relationship. Others treat you the same way as you treat yourself.
We all love being around happy, positive, confident people, because they empower us, lift us up.
Defining your priorities, values, beliefs, and intentions is the first step in creating a clear and intriguing description of yourself and your potential partner.
The better you know your personality and goals, the easier it is for you to come up with an original and attention grabbing profile.
Let your personality shine through. Think about positive things you are grateful for.
Think about life lessons you learned to become a person you are now.
Think about your passions, goals, and values that shape your character, and about all great things you have to offer.
If you need more detailed help in this topic, I have another article dedicated to it entirely.
2. POST A VARIETY OF HIGH QUALITY PHOTOS THAT GRAB ATTENTION
How do you feel if someone without any pictures on their profile contacts you?
Are they hiding something? Maybe they are married, or lie about their age or appearance?
What if they have one picture, but it’s such a bad quality, so blurry, and they are far away, hiding their face under a cap and sunglasses… What is it about? They don’t want to be recognized, or hiding a bald spot?
Or look at this woman; all her pictures are selfies with different filters; and no any full body photos. What is she hiding, and what does she really look like?
Whatever comes to your mind as you see a profile with sloppy profile photos or no photos at all, it won’t be a good thought. Maybe this woman is beautiful inside and out, and she just needs a little help with her profile pictures.
According to Hinge, the dating app, research showed that Snapchat filtered selfies decreased interest in contacting their members by 90 percent. And everyone hates selfies taken in a bathroom mirror; it reduce your chances by 90 percent as well.
We all are visual creatures. A variety of good pictures on a profile not only shows us what the person looks like, but also tells us a story about them, a story they can’t fake, because we can see body language and personality traits, and get a vibe about how serious they are about finding the right match.
If the person has a boring description and doesn’t care enough to post good pictures, he/she most likely isn’t really interested in dating.
Quality photos are essential to your success in online dating.
It takes less than a second to create an impression of a person on a picture. If the first impression isn’t good, people won’t click on a profile.
Whichever dating site you use, each of them informs its members that profiles with photos get 15 times more attention.
So how do you choose the right photos?
How can you find out which pictures will be most attractive for your potential partners?
There are plenty of tips to share with you on my other blog.
As a professional portrait photographer and someone who successfully used online dating sites a few years ago (and found my match there), I want to share my experience and knowledge with you.
3. USE AN EYE-CATCHING HEADLINE
Your headline is you first chance (together with your profile picture) to attract attention of the right audience. It should motivate others to click on your profile and read it to find out more about you.
To come up with a good headline, you need to know what message you want to convey, what kind of a partner you want to invite into your life, and what emotions you want to create in people reading it. Don’t make it dull and uninspired. Nobody is interested to read that you are “just looking for fun” or “bored and need someone in your life”.
Make is positive and creative. Show your personality. Think about type of your ideal potential partner; what would sparkle an interest in them?
And most importantly, be different. Original. Yourself. You are one of a kind. Someone somewhere is looking for YOU.
4. CREATE A CLEAR DESCRIPTION OF YOU AND YOUR POTENTIAL MATCH
People always have been trying to get along. It sounds like a simple task but often feels a daunting one. We are all human creatures with the same physical functions and same five senses, but we are very different in a many ways.
We were born with our own personality types and looks, and raised in different ways, with a diversity of backgrounds, traditions, values, and beliefs. We all are on various stages of life as we pursue our individual goals, set our priorities, and learn life lessons.
Before you start writing a description, you need to know what is important for you the most, and what kind of people you want to attract. Define which of your values, beliefs, and priorities you want them to share with you, and which complementary qualities you are seeking in them.
When you put it in writing, be careful not to use boring and obvious phrases in your description.
Most people do it. Don’t get lost in a crowd. If you attract anyone with a boring description, it will lead to boring dates and a boring life.
In my dating experience a majority of profiles I looked through sounded similar, with same old “I work hard and play hard”, “Outgoing person loves hanging out with friends and watching sports”, and so on. If I was lucky to get across something unique and different, it felt like a breath of fresh air.
What did they write about? They talked about deep stuff.
They created an emotional response, an urge of curiosity to find out more.
Their descriptions were mentally stimulating, teasing, or with a sense of humor.
They were specific and confident.
They shared their passion and perspective on life.
They had goals and life force.
After creating a successful and interesting description of yourself, take some quiet time to reflect on your potential partner’s qualities, their priorities, personality, looks, relationship style, and other important for you things.
Then you can put it all up together in writing on your dating profile.
If you want more tips about writing a description, check out this blog.
CONCLUSION
Your online dating success begins with your profile. If it’s interesting, different, sincere, has a variety of quality pictures, and a clear, well-written description of yourself and your potential partner, you have much more chances to stand out from the rest of a dating crowd and get quality dates.